The thought occurred to me the other day as I was attempting to quell my self- doubt just before kicking off another weekend long training, ‘What if this is exactly where I am supposed to be and this is what I am supposed to look like right now?’
It might not sound earth shattering but for a girl who has, up until this point, assured herself that I am the exact opposite of what the fitness industry wants me to be right now it was definitely a curious thought. I pulled on the thread just to see where it would lead and what I came out with is perhaps where my body is right now is acceptable. Maybe it’s even perfect for me and where my life is headed.
From my view I can’t see the forest, only the trees. When I look through the trees it looks dark, like I’ll be completely ejected from my various roles (especially those in which I teach others to exercise or directly influence the people who teach others to exercise) any day now. It looks like I’ve given up or am completely insane for not just jumping on another diet, losing the weight and being acceptable again.
But the more I let my mind rest on the thought that I might be exactly where I am meant to be right now, I can’t help but feel like this is the truth. For as much resistance as I’ve had with every pound I’ve gained, I’ve only added physical weight while my confidence has slowly started to wear away.
‘What if they don’t hear my message in this body?’ ‘What if I ruin their experience in this body?’ These are the thoughts of my looking at the trees only self.
The girl that is starting to step back, accept my body where it is while continuing to take a front and center role in a perfection oriented industry has a different set of questions in mind. ‘What if I can help others accept themselves in daring to hold onto my positions in this body?’ ‘What if I can actually teach others to live in the present moment as I am attempting to do?’ And my favorite ‘What if I can actually help to change the way this industry makes people feel about themselves??’
With a question like that I can’t help but feel excited that where I am now is exactly where I need to be to pull others up from the depths and shine a light on loving their perfect bodies now.